OPPORTUNITY NOX: sick & tired.

 

OPPORTUNITY NOX: a whole new level of depression.

i love Muse. but Shane loves Muse too. & everytime i listen to Muse, i think of Shane. i need to let go of him. ive spent the past two nights crying. i even cried inside the train today. it hurts. it really hurts. but i really want to listen to Muse.

on Saturday, i found out he was enlistng into the Army. i tried my luck by textng him in the morning. but he failed to reply my text. i knew what i had to do. it was scary. it hurt like shytt. but he had to know. so later that night, i texted him this:

Shaneybaby. idk if you got my text or you chose to ignore. booo. so ive decided to force myself to stop likng you. especially since now youre off to be a man. & i only like boys not men. lol. plus ive got to concentrate on year3. but i know i wont stop thinkng abt you. i’ll miss you, Shane Goh. ive honestly never liked anyone like i like you. so i’ll force myself to forget lovng you. lol. but you’ll always be my baby, okeh. have a nice life, Shane. NS & beyond. goodnight. (:

you know. textng that to Shane hurt. not gettng a reply at all hurt even more. i wish he’d just reply. even to say sth like “yes Shainaz, i agree. you should concentrate on your As.” would make me feel so much better. or even sth like “leave me alone, bitch. you creep me out!” that’ll be fine too. but to not reply at all? thats just so cruel.

so much pain. so much. ive sunken into a whole new level of depression. what with the overwhelming pressure in school & in football. last week, mr Ram said if i dont come in for training often, he might give my first eleven priority for a-divs to a year1.

so when he confronted me abt training again this morning, i cried in front him. i just cracked & broke. & it was sickening to do so. but i couldnt help it. im a mess. a true mess right now. & im shuttng everyone out.

school. a-levels. football. Shane. im really a fckng mess right now.

fck it man! this was supposed to be a good year for me. a year of opportunity. thats why i changed my posts to OPPORTUNITY NOX for the year. because i was supposed to shine this year! i planned out my resolutions. but it looks like no matter how i try, one by one they all get fckd up. ):

so depressed. i need a haircut. i love my long beautiful hair. its the only thing i think beautiful abt me. i love it so much, that im going to cut it. cut it all off. because its weighing me down. & plus. no one really cares abt how pretty i look so why should i?

nazzie.

 

OPPORTUNITY NOX: give me novacaine.

Mentally & physically fckd right now. Shaggd like shytt. Homework nowhere near completion. But tired & beefd.

Imma sleep now. Or else i cant wake up on time later. & i sure as fckng hell dont want to be late again.

Goodnight.

nazzie.

 

OPPORTUNITY NOX: while Shaneybaby is at BNO.

im at home!!! ):

MUSE MUSE MUSE!!! <3

i love MUSE!!! :DDD too bad i dont have the money & time to go to Big Night Out. its a school night for crying out loud! oh Muse! why couldnt you come on a weekend or sth!!! so im stuck at home. listening to Muse while people like Shaneybaby are there listening to Muse LIVE! ))):

hehe. hardcore video comes to mind. but dont want to show you that now. show you that another time so you can rofl like hell!

MUSE MUSE MUSE!!! :D

i bet theyre playng this song right now! & i sure as hell bet theyre fckng rockng the SIS!!! this song always sounds so fckng awesome when its live. ive watched World Stage on MTV. MUSE MUSE MUSE fckng rocks! \m/

the only person i know at BNO right now is Shaneybaby. & i so badly want to pester him to call me & let me hear what i missed out on!!! arghhh!!! ))):

till next time, Muse. i promise i’ll be there.
so in the meantime, i’ll be lookng forward to BSB! :D

lovelove.
nazzie(:

 

OPPORTUNITY NOX: gonna catch BSB!

yes!!! my first official not-Hurfie’s-gig concert is gonna be BSB!!! & this is gonna be a bomb cos i’ll be going with none other than my gf, Dina. oh such fun we’ll have!!! :D

but here’s sth really funneh i saw on the concert poster. rofl!

yaaay! imma catch the BACKSTEET BOYS! wooo. lolololol. not Backstreet Boys. hahahahaha. :D

lovelove.
nazzie(:

 

OPPORTUNITY NOX: & the faithful’s found a way to colour it in.

bright young things.
sugars & spices, slices & dices.

lovelove.
nazzie(:

 

OPPORTUNITY NOX: bend it like the YAs.

went to HQ for the YA Recruitment Drive slash Movie Night. the company was enjoyable yet i did felt left out most of time cos im not a frequent helper like the other YAs who always come by to offer their services for the many events at HQ. sad.

worse, they played Bend It Like Beckham. of all the movies! while watchng, i was totally missing Dina! so i texted her. haha.

anyways. it was fun la. sort of. im glad i came. i got to see Hawa, Val, Juice, Shiks, Wan Ling & Yin Suen & ms Alsagoff! also made new friends like Wendy, Angeline, Audrey & Junie & others.  & im glad i brought my medicine with me so i didnt break into my coughng fits during the movie. haha.

lovelove.
nazzie(:

 

OPPORTUNITY NOX: time to gallop, horses!

HORSE: 74% (12 favorable months)

The Horse will experience a more favorable year than the other signs (yaaay!), the only exception being the Dog. The year’s ruling element, Metal, is not one of your best and will likely temper what would otherwise be an outstanding year, to just a very good year on all fronts. You are poised to achieve gains in many areas of your life and have a great time doing it (a-levels yes?). The Horse is forecast to have an entire year without even one unfavorable month in 2010, a very uncommon phenomenon. This is not a time to hold back or sit on the sidelines. Rather, you should proceed through the year at a gallop. You may not win every race, but there will be many times you do reach the finish line first. Keep in mind the Tiger’s influence tends to be a bit reckless. Occasionally tighten up on the reins and be more careful.

Career

The Horse is well positioned for a year of marked progress in reaching professional goals. The Tiger will be ushering in change and uncertainty. For a typical Horse, your love of variety and diversity already gives you a natural advantage over your competitors. If you are in a in a career you enjoy, the unpredictable challenges should be exhilarating. If you don’t love your industry, seek new employment as early as possible, and you’ll likely make a quick, rewarding transition. Horse sign people are often blessed with a deeply held, personal confidence that they will succeed. This belief in yourself will also benefit you, but don’t think you have failed if you don’t accomplish every goal you set for 2010. The year is about being proactive and setting the stage for ultimate achievements. You can expect to see more of those next year.

Relationships

The Horse’s interactions this year should be very rewarding. You may find yourself highly in-demand with friends and acquaintances, and your social calendar is bound to conflict at some point with your responsibilities. As a Horse sign person, you know how to enjoy a raucous time, but in the end you are not likely to risk your true objectives. Don’t let the impetuous Tiger lure you too far down the path of temptation. In your personal life, you may find yourself attending more than usual to domestic matters or family obligations, and actually enjoying it. This year should be more conducive to romance than recent years, and 2010 is an auspicious year for engagement or marriage. If you have been single or lonely, you are almost sure to find someone to feel passionate about, especially during the spring and summer months. (so there’s hope? yaaay!)

Health

Horses often get away with neglecting their health for long periods without experiencing negative consequences. While this may seem like a blessing, it can actually be a disadvantage because you learn to take your body for granted. As strong and resilient as you might be, you cannot endure continuous abuse without paying a price. Furthermore, those life-enhancing habits like regular exercise and nutritious foods only get harder to adopt with with time. In such a busy and active year as this one, it is almost certain your brain will be getting all the exercise it can handle. It will actually improve your performance in all areas of your life if you treat your body as well as you treat your mind. (its like they know im takng my As this year & that ive been frequently ill already since this year began!!!)

Wealth

Finances could be the weakest area for Horses this year (im already experiencng this now! booo!). You may be deluded by illusions of grandeur when you receive a raise, or a large sum of money. The Tiger may influence you to spend it, but excessive luxury purchases are not advised. You are likely to face unexpected expenses, and your security will be improved if you set aside as much of your money as possible in savings and secure investments so you can cover the additional outflows without worry. You will fare well by making a habit of living below your means. Needless to say, it is not a good time for gambling or risk; don’t trust your luck where money is concerned.

to my fellow horses, this year of the metal tiger will be great yet in some ways it wont. oh wells! :D

lovelove.
nazzie(:

 

OPPORTUNITY NOX: gettng high tonight.

im tempted to OD on cough syrup.

hehe. ive got a bottle of Dextromethorphan & im not afraid to use it. seriously. my body has been giving me shyt these days! (not literally la. that one normal. lol.) i had fever ystd morning. so i went to BB Poly to take MC. cough/sore throat, headache, fever & blocked nose. missed my CCM lessons but was back in time for Math & Bio. & was seriously floatng throughout Bio lesson after takng my meds. wooo.

my head still hurts right now. & my coughs not gettng any better. there was some blood in my spit too. probably due to my throat being really dry. damn. ):

dear God. please help me recover from all this pain soon. amin.

lovelove.
nazzie(:

 

OPPORTUNITY NOX: full speed ahead.

i havent been updating cos ive been extremely busy with sch & assignments & stuff. yes. im going full speed ahead. not even slowng down to catch a breath. yes. im fallng apart - exhaustion.

will my flame last for the next 8 months or so?
it has to!

also. my internet’s been absolutely fckd up. seriously cant take it! if messenger works, browsers dont. if browsers work, messenger dont. wah! damn annoying can. so ive been relying on my Prada. but unfortunately, my Prada is not with me right now. its being serviced. so im using Nez’s phone instead. started using ystd. & guess what? i lost it in the bus 174 ystd! thank god it was returned to the Lost&Found at Boon Lay interchange. surprisingly, Dad wasnt as angry as i thought he would be. hehe.

ive been breakng down alot these days. been freakng out. because of the pressure in sch. because i kept losing my things. & also because ive been missng my daily dose of HUNNY! booo! but at least, miraculously, both my browser & messenger was workng last night. i managed to pour out to him. i love my Hunny! (:

today, again. internet’s fckd. im supposed to be doing GP now. well. i am. haha. but i got really bored. plus. im supposed to hand it in online but my browser wont load. idk why it loads here though. haha. so ive decided to hand in the hardcopy tmr instead.

also. the saddest thing happened! ive been too busy with schwork & stuff that i havent the time to think abt SHANE! omg. for once, ive actually shun him aside. booo! i really miss Shaneybaby. ):

randum: Moose makes awesome pancakes! <3

im exhausted. haha. i really am. please pray for me. pray i wont just suddenly collapse & die. cos thats how i feel almost everyday.

dear God. please give me strenght to continue on this journey to success. amin.

lovelove.
nazzie(: